When did I first learn that I was responsible? At some point during my learning process about responsibility, I somehow got twisted up about what I was responsible for. I took on the belief that I was first responsible for all others - that I was responsible for other people. That I was responsible for happiness, feelings, outcomes, being perfect, doing it all. That other people's feelings and needs came before mine.
I used to think that doing things for others was important and that I was not important. Now I reject that belief and have let go of my idea of being responsible for the entire universe. Are you really in charge of the universe today? Only when I ask that of myself out loud does it sound silly.
Responsibility is a habit that is difficult to sort out at times. I am, at heart, a responsible person. It is the order of my belief that has changed. I cannot be helpful, compassionate or caring when I am overwhelmed or carrying the weight of all responsibilities around with me. How many rocks can you carry for other people? What happens if you pick up every rock or problem that you come across?
On good days, I will gently hand you back the responsibility you attempt to pass over to me. On bad days, I will say yes to anything asked of me, and then get angry or upset when I realize I have once again taken on too much responsibility. When I carry around things for other people there is no space in my life for me. I am important. I need to be responsible to me before you. Another lesson to be learned.
When I do forget and slip back into that outdated idea of what is mine, I am able to remind myself by asking better questions. Is this really mine? Pause. Say no before yes. Who does this belong to? Why would you ask me that? Is this mine?
I am responsible.
I am responsible for my own happiness.
I am responsible for self-care, honoring my feelings, being kind to myself.
I believe that self-care is critical to self-development and growth.
I am responsible for me.
