I have had clients who feel or believe that pushing themselves harder is the best way to get good results. They strive for perfection and are overly critical of the outcomes - even when it appears, outwardly, that they are successful. I recently read a good description of this pattern in Leaders Playbook* by Reldan Nadler. Nadler asks ... are you on your own side or on your case?
Here are the consequences of being your own worst critic:
All of those lead to a frustrating cycle with no end in sight.
Consider, instead, how you could focus on learning and ongoing improvement. Essentially, acting as your own coach.
What are the indications that you are acting as your own coach instead of a critic?
A coach would focus on what you learned from the day, along with your results. How could you improve is important - but not the only factor. A coach is encouraging and challenging - expecting your best effort and something to be celebrated. A coach expects you to reflect, monitor, and adjust your actions ... to keep moving towards your expected goal.
As coach, here are some questions to ask yourself (which will help develop the habit of ongoing learning):
Just start by maintaining an awareness of how you talk to yourself throughout the day. Are you realistic or overly critical of your actions?
Are your expectations and goals realistic? Be your own coach instead of a critic. The next time you have a setback, try being a coach. See how that impacts your feelings and ability to recover and move forward.
If you have trouble being a coach - contact me for an individualized approach to help you move in a positive direction.
* Nadler, R. (2007). Leaders Playbook - How to apply emotional intelligence keys to great leadership. Santa Barbara: Psyccess Press
